Across The Winds of Time
by hazman11
Summary: Clara was perfectly content with her life. Four years after saying goodbye to The Doctor, she had a job she loved, a new home and she was happy. The arrival of a blue box in front of her home was a shock by itself, but when she saw who stepped out,her foundation shook to it's core.


2018

It was a cold and steady wind that accompanied Clara Oswald on her short work home. The leaves were flying around her, whipped up by the occasional gusts that seemed to channel down between the houses on her street. She reached up and pulled the lapels of her coat closer together, protecting her neck and upper body from the chill that had been hitting her skin each time an extra gust came.

The distance from Southend Comprehensive School to her new home was only about 20 minutes and even on days like this, she felt that she was extremely fortunate to pick up both a permanent position at a school that was highly regarded as well as find a home that was perfect for her needs.

The two story semi-detached home wasn't a palace, and it had certainly seen a fair share of living in its lifetime, but from the moment that she walked into it on the first inspection, there was something about this house that felt right. It felt like home.

Now two years later it had become her sanctuary. She'd had plenty of time to add her own touches, both little and large, to the home. It was not complete, but with each project she took on, the home became even more 'hers'. And that made it so much more important.

She reached her front yard, and walked up to the front door, placing the key into the lock and opening and closing it quickly behind her to trap the wind outside. The last thing she needed was a pile of leaves to clean out. She unbuttoned the coat and shrugged it off her shoulders, taking it in her right hand and hanging it on the hook that was on the left wall.

Clara stooped down and picked the mail off the floor, gathering it her hands before she opened the internal door that separated the landing from the main part of the house. As she walked down the hallway she could already feel the warmth from the central heating that had kicked on as soon as she had turned the alarm off. She went directly to the kitchen to turn the kettle on, and picking out a teacup and placing it on the counter.

Thumbing through the mail she couldn't see anything of immediate interest. Not that such a revelation was usual. The mail these days was more bills and junk mail. The kettle whistled as it finished its boil and after turning it off, she picked it up and poured the water into the teapot that was by her side. She placed the cup and teapot onto a small tray and carried it over to one of the chairs that was up against the kitchen counter.

After giving the tea a good five minutes to steep, she took the bag out and placed it on a small plate, then poured some of her favorite brew into the cup. She settled into her chair, and brought it up to her lips, looking forward to that first taste that would warm her up even further.

Just as she brought the cup to her own lips, a sound broke through the serenity she had created. For a moment she wondered if it was a memory resurfacing, the wind creating a sound that her mind was translating into something she hadn't heard for years. But as the wheezing reached a crescendo she was left in no doubt as to what it was. Nor why it was so familiar. For years the sound brought a large smile to her face, signaling not only the start of another adventure, but also the arrival of a man that she had loved with all her being.

She didn't realize she had stopped holding on the cup, till it shattered on the floor next to her, just as the sound from outside stopped. She felt afraid to turn around. To do so would be an acknowledgment of the sound. That acknowledgment would come with opening herself up to things that she had fought to bury deep inside of her.

That fear was keeping her planted in her chair for those first long moments. But she'd never been prone to cowardice. Taking a deep breath and steeling herself against what she thought may be outside; she slowly got up and walked very steadily to the front door. As she got closer, she could see out through the windows. While not fully clear, each step only re-enforced what she knew that sound to meet. The blue shape across the road, even obscured as it was, left no doubt to her just what had occurred.

She reached for the door handle and pulled it open, knowing that the literal opening of the door was achieved a heck of lot easier then the metaphorical one she was opening by doing the same.

* * *

><p>"Right, here we go" the Doctor said as he flicked a couple of switches and made sure the TARDIS was on its way, briefly checking the center column as it started to rise and fall. He felt full of life today. There was a mystery out there; something that he instinctively knew involved him, even before he inserted himself into the middle of it. His prodding of various sources had paid off and he now had a prize to show for it.<p>

His prize was slightly unusual, but he had to admit, as he looked down at the severed head of a Cybermen, it wasn't the most unusual thing he'd ever done.

"So, what am I going to do with you then?" he asked the head, which was currently lying on its side on the center console. "Not very talkative are you?" he said as he bent down to look at it, eye to eye. "Well then that will not do. I have to get you talking of course," he commented to himself. He picked up the head and turned it upside down, peering down its neck. "Hmmmm… maybe I should've picked up a less damaged one?"

He turned the head around again, looking it over. "Well, so what do I call you," he asked it, grabbing the head by the silver tubes that came out from the top of its head, and holding it up. "Ahh, Handles! Very appropriate, what do you think?" The Doctor waited for a response he knew wasn't going to arrive. "Well you can tell me what you think about it, later on then," he told the head as he settled it down on the console once again. "Not the greatest conversationalist it seems, we'll just have….."

Something was not right. He could tell. Maybe it was a vibration change, maybe just a feeling he had, but he knew something had changed. "What has happened old girl?" he asked, as he quickly scanned over the controls. "What's going on?"

He checked a few more instruments, then two of the larger monitors trying to work out why it was giving inconsistent results. "Earth?" he said to himself, "Why Earth?"

Not that he was opposed to visiting Earth. He didn't think there was anyone out there that didn't know of his fondness for the small blue planet. Trying to work out why the TARDIS had changed course he continued asking questions. "It isn't Wednesday? I can't have forgotten again," he started counting mentally to himself. "No, it's definitely not Wednesday yet."

The center column stopped, and the Doctor raised his eyebrows, looking at it. "Why here?"

He didn't expect a response, though sometimes he could sense what the TARDIS was trying to tell him. This time however he was getting no such assistance. He shrugged, "Well I'll never know unless I see. Stay calm, Handles," he said addressing the Cyber head which was still on its side, no sign of life emanating from its metallic brain.

The Doctor walked over the front doors and opened them, noticing immediately the cool breeze that hit him. "Ahh England in the summer, nice" he said to himself without any hints of irony as he closed the door behind him.

He took in the view that is around him. Nothing out of the ordinary, just a regular English street, filled with regular English cars, regular English house, with a regular English breeze and grey skies giving him a sense of complete normality. 'Hold on,' he told himself. There was something he'd seen in the corner of his eye. He turned back to where he thought he'd seen what he had.

"Clara?"

* * *

><p>It was surreal seeing the TARDIS there in front of her house. That was the most easily explained emotion that was running through her thoughts. The others were much more complex. She'd never thought she'd ever see that Blue Box again. In fact she was pretty certain that she'd come to a very clear understanding with the Doctor those many years ago. She was self aware enough however to know that underneath those feelings there was there was a little prick of giddiness trying to boil its way to the top. The TARDIS used to represent all her hopes and dreams. However looking at it straight on now, no more than 30 feet from where she was standing, the overriding emotion she felt was emptiness. The giddiness was buried under too much weight. That weight was telling her to turn around; close the door to what was to come. She was very close to doing that, she could almost feel her feet starting to move, when it froze on the spot when she saw who exited. Those same feet that we wanting to walk back in the house not ten seconds earlier were now doing their best to keep her steady lest she fall over feint at the sight in front of her.<p>

She felt that if she moved she would fall, but she was scared to stay still. She willed herself to move, trying to get out of the line of vision that she knew the Doctor would see very….

"Clara?"

"Shit," she cursed under her breath, even as the sound of his voice both trembled and warmed her heart. She didn't know how to respond. Her voice stuck in her throat as she continued to try and process what she knew must be a screw up of all proportions in the timelines. She knew she was losing the battle to keep her emotions in check as she felt her lip start to tremble.

Noticing that he was about to come running over to her, she took a step backwards and shook her head, "I'm sorry, I can't do this," she said, not thinking that the Doctor would have no chance of hearing her from where he was. She found the power to move herself out of his gaze and quickly turned and ran back inside the house.

The puzzlement that the Doctor felt was evident from the frown that had manifested itself. It wasn't the first time a young woman had run from him, but there was something seriously wrong with the way that Clara looked at him. She seemed almost scared. He did contemplate for a quick second, waiting outside for her. It would after all not be the first time that he had done so. But the little scratch at the back of his neck was telling him that time wasn't on his side this time.

He strolled purposely towards the door, not taking much notice of any of the surroundings yet. There was something wrong with Clara and all other matters seemed to fade slightly from his view. He knocked gently on the door.

"Clara?" he asked a little nervously, He rocked back and forth on his feet, waiting for a response.

"Clara, please open the door?" The Doctor's voice was rising as he restated his question. He was tempted to 'sonic' the door, but he was presently being held back by respect for Clara. That need to not intrude however was reducing with each passing second as his concern rose in equal proportion.

"If you want I'll leave in the TARDIS and come back tomorrow," he suggested, almost shouting now, hoping that she wouldn't take him up on his offer.

He was about to shout again at a quite disagreeable volume, when he noticed a shadow behind the door just before it was opened to reveal an upset looking Clara.

"Clara!" he exclaimed beaming at her with his usual enthusiasm. His sentence was cut off as she pulled him by the lapel of his jacket inside. He stood there watching as Clara closed the door, noticing the very clear way Clara wasn't returning his greetings, or even looking at him. She just walked through the hallway back to the lounge, not even telling the Doctor to follow. Not that there was much chance that he wouldn't.

The Doctor looked around at the house as he followed her trying to start a conversation. "Are you at a friend's place? Sort of lucky that I found you, total co-incidence, really, was actually heading to the Sevron Galaxy to investigate….." he stopped as he was caught in the stare of her eyes. It wasn't the first time he'd felt himself get caught up in her eyes, though it was the first time he felt uncomfortable for reasons other than his attraction to her. Looking away he noticed things around him, photos of her and family, friends on the mantle. The décor reminding him, each step he took, more and more of Clara. Then looking back at her, there was the noticeable sign of age, not a lot, maybe undetectable to most, but he could tell. He mentally kicked himself for not realizing earlier.

"How long?" he asked gently.

Clara however didn't have a reply straight away. She was staring at him closely, and the Doctor could feel the microscope she was placing him under. "Is it really you?" she asked, her words betraying her fear in the question.

"Oh Clara, I'm sorry," the Doctor responded moving to embrace her, hoping to take the pain he could see etched on her face. Her step back, made it clear that she was in no place to accept his affection.

"Don't do this to me," she pleaded. "This is really not fair."

The Doctor took a deep breath, fighting his over-riding desire to take the pain away from the woman in front of him. For someone that had lived as long as he had, he knew that he tended to look for the quick resolution, his mind already looking at the next issue, 3 problems down the line. That however wasn't going to work this time. The way Clara was looking at him was driving a clear message about the pain his turning up had caused her.

Against his natural inclination, he actually took a step away from her and took a seat, hoping that his distance, more figuratively than the literal 2 feet it actually was, would help give Clara the space that he felt she needed to open up to him.

"How long? " he asked again.

She simply shook her head.

"Oh my impossible girl, what did I do to you?" He asked, though he was more talking to himself, feeling sick inside at his lack of prompt returning had obviously hurt her deeply.

"5 years," she stated quietly.

"I left you 5 years ago?" The Doctor asked, repeating it to himself, trying to get his head around the difference in time between them. His understanding however was lessened when Clara continued. "No, it's been 5 years since I saw you." She laughed a little, hollow though it sounded, "Actually it is 5 years, 8 months, 2 weeks and 2 days since I last saw _you_."

He didn't miss the emphasis on _you _that she put on her words. It was another part of this puzzle that he didn't fully understand. "You are very clear on the time," he commented, knowing that meant something big occurred.

"It was Christmas Day," Clara added. "Hard to forget that."

"No I don't suppose it is," the Doctor replied before pausing. Something wasn't right. There was only two solutions he could think of as to why that was, and he didn't like either. Either he has lost his memory or… "I don't remember having Christmas with you, Clara"

He watched as Clara contemplated his words. She was silent for a minute watching him intently. If the Doctor was being truthful to himself he couldn't shake the feeling that either she didn't believe his words, or…. No, he told himself, there was something more, something deeper in the way she was still closing herself to him.

"No, you wouldn't" Clara responded. The solitary tear that fell from the corner of her left eye, felt like a crack in the Doctor's heart. She still hadn't taken a seat opposite him, seeming to be more comfortable standing a few feet away, less he make contact with her physically. The way she was staring into his eyes was burning a hole in his soul, she seemed to be looking for some truth, but he didn't know how to give her the answer she was obviously craving. He didn't know the full question at this stage.

"It's really you, isn't it?" she asked.

The Doctor frowned, that was the second time she had asked that. He reached forward, not getting up, but trying to reach out to her. "Yes, it is," he pleaded back.

"How… I don't," Clara started to respond.

"Who else would turn up in a blue box?" he joked, trying anything to break through to her.

Clara shook her head. "No you changed, Doctor"

"What?" the Doctor responded, noticing the tense of Clara's words. Past tense.

"You regenerated," she told him.

"Impossible," he automatically responded, reacting to the suggestion before taking into account all the other factors on display to him. "I can't regenerate again, I… we saw my grave."

He was watching her as he answered. Things were coming into focus for him, and it wasn't a picture he particularly wanted to face. The pain that was now so evident on Clara's face gave a reason to her reactions previous. "You were there, weren't you?"

She nodded, still not trusting her own eyes that he was really there.

Something was very wrong, the Doctor realized. "This shouldn't be happening," he muttered to himself, "I shouldn't be here". He got up, muttering to himself. "Why has she brought me here, this is wrong". He looked back to Clara. "I'm so sorry," he said backing away. "I really shouldn't be here"

He couldn't take his eyes off her has he backed further away, the horror he was feeling at what had occurred, currently being matched in the eyes of the woman that was watching him walk out on her again.

Clara watched in stunned silence as the Doctor backed away from her, not being able to find her voice. She had never felt so numb in her life. The variety of emotions that were running through her was keeping her rooted to the spot she was currently standing in.

She had put her past with the Doctor behind her. It wasn't easy. Internally she could feel her hollow laugh at just the very opposite of easy it was. But she had dealt with it, and forged a life that made her happy. She was fulfilled in her life and hadn't, apart from fleeting memories that came to her late at night, thought about the Doctor for a number of years.

And suddenly there he was. Waltzing out of his blue box without a care in the world. Looking all dashing and enticing in his long purple tweed coat. Even his bow tie was part of the conspiracy to make her feel weak at the knees. Then came his eyes, and she could feel herself getting lost in his stare. She was transported back 5 years ago. The time between them was evaporating quicker as each second rolled past.

It can't be real she kept telling herself. But even she knew that was a losing battle. She knew from the first moment their eyes met that it was truly him. She tried hard to not let herself believe it. Believing it would open up a securely welded shut door to her past, but she knew it to be true. She knew because her heart beat faster. She knew because there was an aching in her chest every time he looked at her. And she knew because watching him walk away from her again, was hurting her more than anything in the last 4 years.

It was the inner pain that brought her out of her inactive state. It replaced the myriad of emotions she had been experiencing with one over-riding feeling just as she heard the front door slam shut. Resolve.

"You're not bloody leaving me again," she called out, taking after him.

Clara Oswald was not letting her Doctor get away that easy a second time.

* * *

><p>The TARDIS door slammed shut, giving the Doctor's entrance to his ship a thunderous accompaniment. He walked towards the center console with an angry purpose.<p>

"Why?" he shouted.

He reached out with his hands as he reached the console and tightly gripped the panel in front of him. Taking a deep breath he paused trying to let that moment lessen his anger. "Of all places and times why did you bring me here?"

There was no response from the TARDIS, nor from Handles which was lying inert on the floor, having been knocked off the console by the shudder when the Doctor slammed into it. "You crossed my own time stream," The Doctor said, trying to work out what and why this was happening. "What was this for? Did you need to see me in torment?"

He was stalking the console now, looking it up and down trying to see if there was any indication of acknowledgment. The Doctor usually felt something from his TARDIS. It was alive and he always felt he had a connection to its consciousness even if only a feeling in the back of his mind. But for now it could've been a wooden table in front of him instead for all the good it was doing him.

"Are you trying to teach me a lesson?" he asked softly. He could picture Clara so clearly now in his mind. The way she looked at him would be cemented into his memory forever more.

"Oh Clara," he whispered to himself, not knowing what had caused the pain that was so clearly worn on her face. "Whatever did I do to you?"

"You didn't do anything"

The Doctor spun around, Clara's voice breaking the previous silence with a tone that had been totally missing from their earlier conversations.

"Clara," the Doctor whispered, trying hard not to let his emotions rise up to far inside of him.

She gave him a soft smile, sadder that he remembered usually seeing from her, but for the first time today he could see the genuine affection she had for him coming through behind it. She held up her TARDIS key.

"You kept it?" he stated.

Clara nodded. She walked slowly up to him and enveloped him in a warm embrace. The release of some of his stress was palatable as he let himself be enveloped by her arms, leaning into her and savoring the feel of her body against his.

Clara buried her head into his chest. "I've missed you," she told him, though her words were slightly muffled by his coat.

The Doctor held onto her, knowing that from her viewpoint it had been a long time since he'd held her, even though for him it was only a week. He could admit to himself that those weeks apart weren't as much fun as together.

"What happened to us?" he asked her gently. He had plenty of evidence it wasn't going to be good, but he felt a deep need to know. "It is pretty clear that we don't travel together anymore."

Clara shook her head. "You don't want to know your own future"

They pulled apart, though Clara reached down as they did to hold just a couple of his fingers. The Doctor recognized it, and the need behind it. "I look at you and my hearts ache for what I must have done for you to leave."

Clara shook her head. "It wasn't like that, at least not really," she told him, still trying not to obliterate the line she was gently walking on. How do you fully explain all the different parts that eventually drove her and the Doctor apart.

The Doctor smiled at her trying to reassure her, but at the same time venturing further. "I just can't imagine not wanting to be with you."

Clara lightly bit her bottom lip trying to work out the best way to not only answer the Doctor, but also as the one question that had been on her lips, both not asked and not answered for over 5 years.

"When you changed, you changed in more ways than just your appearance," she started to tell him. "I knew that of course."

The Doctor knew that better than anyone else Clara had experienced firsthand the various intricacies of his lives.

"You were still you," she told him feeling that she needed to re-assure him. She didn't want to place blame onto his shoulders. "But I think you had different feelings on certain things"

The Doctor frowned at that, wondering what she meant. He knew that his different lives had differences in personality. His third persona had quite liked working from Earth as a base, but he could distinctively remember the deep down feeling of wanting to get away once he regenerated.

"Can I ask you something?" The nervousness in her request was clear to the Doctor.

"Anything"

"What am I to you?" she asked a little timidly. "Right now in your timeline, what do you feel when you see me?"

For her to ask that, the Doctor knew that whatever had occurred had caused Clara to doubt what he felt for her. The picture she was painting of his new self was becoming less and less favorable in his opinion. They never came out and just told each other how they felt, but he had hoped that he had shown her. It was all to clear to him now that he hadn't. Maybe now was when he needed to be wholly honest. Maybe now was the time to let go of his fear and share what he usually protected so deeply, his heart.

"I see you and it fills my hearts with joy," he said with a smile "You make me want to live, Clara Oswald. Forget all that you have ever done for me, and know this simple truth. You brighten my world by simply being in it." He grabbed her hand fully and looked at her deeply into her eyes. "I hope you have always known that"

She nodded, not letting the lack of more definitive words subtract from what he was telling her. "I loved you," she told him directly.

"You have both of my hearts, Clara," he told her, ignoring the past tense of her response. For him it was very present.

She wrapped her arms around his body and they both held onto each other seemingly afraid of letting go.

"What happens when I leave here," the Doctor asked. There was evidence aplenty for him to realize there wasn't a lot of good to occur.

"Aren't I risking the timelines by telling you?" she asked him.

The Doctor gently let go of her, and let out a hollow laugh. "Well I don't much like what I think I must do to you." Clara was about to respond when he put his hand up. "It doesn't matter anyway," he told her resigned to the reality he knew he had to face. "I won't remember this when I leave"

Clara looked at him confused. "Why?"

"The TARDIS crossed my own time stream, something that it really should know better about," he said slightly scolding and looking at his ship the same way a disappointed parent sometimes did with his child. He turned back to Clara, "once the timelines re-align, this will never have happened to me"

Clara stood there silent, trying to absorb all the implications of what the Doctor was telling her. "Trenzalore," she told him. "It started and ended with Trenzalore"

The impact of those words brought one of the Doctor's fears to the fore. Trenzalore was his own personal boogieman, a faint whisper that scratched at the back of his head. Somehow he had known he hadn't heard the last of that planet. Even though he knew that was to be his final resting place, he had hoped it wouldn't be for a long time. The fact that Clara was there, tells him that it was much shorter than he'd hoped it would be.

"I still don't understand why I regenerated," he mused to himself mostly.

Clara moved over and took his hand. "I think you were given a whole new regeneration cycle"

This puzzled the Doctor even more. He knew that the Time Lords had the technology to do this, but that would mean... "Gallifrey?" he asked hopefully, wondering if their greatest wish was granted.

The shrug from Clara didn't give him the certainty that he had hoped. "I'm not sure, we never knew 100% but I think so," she told him.

The Doctor was musing over what Clara had told him. A new life cycle was something unexpected, and nearly unprecedented. He wondered what impact it would have on him. Something had definitely changed. The evidence was clearly in front of him. The girl that had brought him down off his cloud, had given him a reason to live again and against all the reasons not to, he had let himself become attached to, maybe too much, but he only had to look at her, even now when she had 5 years of distance between them to still feel his pulse race a little quicker. Clara Oswald was always able to push his internal buttons, and though he originally thought it was too perfect, the explanation turned out to be incredibly simple.

"My impossible Girl," he whispered to himself, marveling at what she did to him. He didn't fail to notice that she didn't seem to have a positive reaction to his declaration. "What is it?" he asked her gently.

She shook her head a little, thinking about whether she wanted to ask him. "No, it's just...that seems so long ago."

He smiled down at her, bringing his hands up to her face and gently caressing the cheek and jawbone. "My Clara, it wasn't that long ago for me," he told her, knowing that she was referencing her sacrifice for him. "But that's not why you're my impossible Girl"

He knew from the look she gave him, her interest was piqued. "You came into my life at one of my lowest points. You actually got me to live again. You're my impossible girl because you were able to do something that no one had done for a very long time. You made me open myself to love. You allowed me to think of a future with you, something I had denied myself for most of my lives."

As he was saying it, he couldn't understand why his future self seemed content to let that all fade away. He knew that was going to drive him crazy. The only consolation he felt was that he wouldn't have long to dwell on it, as he expected he wouldn't remember any of this a few minutes after taking off.

Clara lifted herself up on her toes to kiss him gently on his lips. "Thank you," she told him, and for the first time since he arrived Clara seemed to look at him with peace around her. He kissed the top of forehead and he held her tightly to him.

From below he could hear her question, which he didn't want to face.

"This is it, isn't it?" she asked.

"Well time is a strange thing, you never know," the Doctor replied, but he couldn't even lie to himself. "But yes, I expect it is."

The small laugh that came from Clara though had no sense of joy attached to it. "Well not for you, you've still got…." She waved her arms around, not needing to regurgitate even more the future the Doctor hadn't experienced yet.

"Yes, quite," he replied sadly. The future didn't seem all that inviting to him. The only thing he was thankful for at this moment was that he wouldn't have the burden of memory to weigh him down.

She looked up at him, the sides of her eyes filled with tears that were still hanging on to the sides of her eyelids, refusing to drop just yet. "I don't want you to go," she told him plainly. "I never did."

The Doctor wanted to respond. He wanted to give her comfort. If he was being truthful he wanted to give himself comfort as well. In those seconds that she was waiting for a response, his mind was working overtime. He kept running over possible option to dilemma that was in front of them, but each one ended in a dead end. Simply being here with her when she had knowledge of his future was a ripple that needed to be addressed. Staying would risk a deeper division in the timelines, and he didn't want to think of the possible repercussions that could cause. "Did I kick you out?" he asked timidly, the idea sounding abhorrent to him but he was looking for some solace to the future he didn't think he would have any say in.

Clara shook her head. "You didn't, it was…" she thought of the words to say. She loved The Doctor and knew implicitly in her heart it was the same man through every life she'd seen. There were just differences that they couldn't get around. "It was like you had a new path, one that I was not destined to be on. We tried to make it work." She smiled at him. "We had some good times," she told him gently. "But there was always a barrier. I think he was scared of the reality and what that would mean."

The Doctor was silent for a while, wondering if his next personality had let his fear override his hearts desires. "What reality?" he asked, even though he could guess her reply.

"Us," she told him. "I knew that we weren't forever," she told him sadly. "It's just when I was with you, I wanted to believe."

"Oh Clara, Clara," he started. "Don't' let your fear cloud your dreams," He took her hands in his. "Right now, at this moment I am gazing into the eyes of the girl that made me love again. You opened my heart, made me want to live. If I am too stupid to let that fade away, don't think for one minute that changes what I feel and hope for right now."

She lost herself into his eyes looking for a truth that would give her the courage to ask what she needed to ask.

"Stay tonight?" she requested shyly.

"Clara," the Doctor warned.

"Just tonight. I don't want reality," she told him. "Tonight is for our dreams"

The Doctor nodded, for the moment not giving a damn about anything his rationale side of his brain was telling him. "I'd stay for eternity, if I could," he told her, grabbing her hand and kissing it gently on the upper side of the fingertips.

"I'd like that," Clara told him, walking slowly to the TARDIS doors. She turned, fixing her Doctor with her stare as she opened the door. "Give me eternity, just for tonight."

* * *

><p>As she started to wake up Clara felt her emotions go from complete and utter happiness to fear in those first thirty seconds and he came into consciousness. The night's sleep, which has been enveloping her in contentment, evaporated as she jerked, awake and let out a cry. "Doctor!"<p>

She felt someone gently touch her leg and saw him sitting at the edge of her bed.

"You stayed?" she asked, knowing how much the Doctor hated goodbyes, the fact he stayed meant so much more to her.

"I wish I could stay longer," he told her sadly.

Clara reached over and turned the bedside light on. Two things became clear to her. One the Doctor was fully dressed, either meaning that he had thought about leaving through the night or is about to. And secondly, all the concern and sadness that had left him for the hours they spent together last night had evaporated through the night.

He lifted his head to look straight at her. "I have to go," he told her somberly.

Clara nodded. "I know". She sucked up all the pain that she could already feel pulling her insides into knots. She knew this was the end. She'd been given a gift of an extra day with him, but there was no way around the fact that the Doctor needed to face his future. And she needed to face hers. She knew more than ever that those journeys were never going to meet again. "Give me a moment to get changed," she told him a little modestly.

The Doctor couldn't help but look at her sleeping attire, and smile. "Probably for the best," he joked flirting with her, enjoying the swat his shoulder received from Clara's hand as she half-heartedly pushed him out and closed the door behind him.

* * *

><p>The TARDIS may have only been parked just in front of Clara's house, but she was determined to absorb each and every part of the short walk into her memory. His hand in hers, felt so right, so warm to be clasped together. It was something that she hadn't realized how much she'd missed till that very moment.<p>

"Did we make it any better?" The Doctor asked fearing that all they'd done is re-open a wound that Clara had worked hard to heal long ago. "Did I bring everything to the fore again?"

She smiled sadly to him. "Maybe, maybe not," she told him. She could feel her heart start to shudder, as the reality of what she was facing was cementing itself in front of her. Yesterday she would have given anything to see the Doctor again. But now, she wondered just how long this would take her to get past.

They had reached the TARDIS door. Neither of them moved for a moment. The Doctor turned around and placed himself between the door and Clara. "Come with me?" he asked her.

She shook her head, trying not to contemplate the idea. "You stay with me?" she half-heartedly responded. He lips curled up slightly, letting him know that she was only about 90% serious.

The Doctor laughed a little sadly. "We could crack the universe," he responded, his hands waving about to capture the moment. "It'd be worth it."

Clara silently thanked the Doctor for suggesting something that they both knew couldn't happen. He was still trying to protect her. She looked up at him, as he took her hands gently. She was fighting the emotion to break down, and looking into the eyes in front of her she knew she was on a losing battle. She hoped she could hold it for a few more minutes.

"Clara Oswald, you will forever be in my hearts."

Clara knew it was time to rip the Band-Aid off. Reaching up on her toes, she kissed the Doctor gently, lingering for just a second longer on his lips, savoring the feeling one last time. "Goodbye Doctor,' she whispered to him as she pulled back.

The Doctor nodded, understanding it was time, and no matter how much he felt his insides ripping apart, Clara was right. "Goodbye my impossible Girl," He backed away from her, never losing eye contact as he pushed the TARDIS door open with his back, Only when he was inside, did he gently wave to her before the doors closed.

The TARDIS doors closing opened the barriers Clara had placed inside of herself, and she let out a cry as the pain enveloped her. She reached out with a shaking hand to touch the blue outer shell, wanting to hold onto it, as the familiar dematerializing sound filled her ears.

"Run, you clever boy," Clara whispered through tears and trembling lips. "And remember me," she pleaded.

The TARDIS had departed, leaving her fingers to feel only the cold air that had taken her love away.

* * *

><p>The Doctor hadn't moved as the TARDIS doors closed, shutting the view of Clara away from him. He knew of course that he would see her soon. He also knew that there was very trying times coming up for both himself and Clara.<p>

He took a deep breath and walked slowly towards the center console. He was calm. He knew what was about to happen.

"I know I'll forget this soon," he spoke to his ship. He started setting the controls for where he needed to go. Not looking up he asked pleadingly. "Please let me remember?"

The lack of response wasn't surprising. He sat down in a chair that was just off to the side of the console. He had to think there was a reason for this trip. "I don't want to remember now. Please let me know when I need to,"

He remembered something that had been told to him many years ago.

_I TAKE YOU WHERE YOU NEED TO GO _

He smiled to himself, hoping that his faith in his TARDIS was not going to be misplaced. Underneath was the fear that he would never remember, though he knew that would evaporate soon as his memories dissipated along the timelines.

* * *

><p>Christmas on the Planet Trenzalore<p>

The steps that the Doctor was taking were some of the slowest and arduous of his many lives. It wasn't just the pain he was feeling, but he was actively trying to slow down the regeneration process, wanting to be safely inside of his TARDIS when it occurred. He could feel the TARDIS mentally calling to him, drawing him closer to his sanctuary

He didn't have time to really process what was about to happen, but he knew that he was going to regenerate. This was something that he'd never counted on. He had lived the last 900+ years knowing that this would be the last life, and now through an event that he didn't fully understand, he now had a new lease on life.

The snow was blowing hard against his body, making the journey even slower as he finally could see the blue box that was his home appear through the whiteness in front of him. He made his way deliberately, each step looking for firm footing as he felt he was starting to lose control of his body. He could feel his cells starting to change, and he focused down to will himself to make the last few steps.

He slumped against the door of the TARDIS, grateful when the door opened for him. "Thanks, old girl," he told her. He was about to move through into the safe confines when a flash of memory seared through his brain.

"_You regenerated," _

"_Impossible, I can't regenerate again, I… we saw my grave."_

"_I knew that we weren't forever, it's just when I was with you, I wanted to believe." _

"_Run, you clever boy, and remember me"_

It took a moment for him to remember where he'd heard those words. Even though he knew them to be a true memory, he couldn't remember clearly where they were from, or what context they were in. It was frustrating him that he couldn't remember it properly. There were large gaps, but he could clearly see Clara in them, and he was left with the over-riding feeling that something was not going to be well with his next self.

"_Please let me remember?"_

"Thank you," he told the TARDIS as he heard himself echo in his memories. Somehow he had known what was to come and had asked his ship to help him.

"Argghh!" he bent over as another rush of regeneration energy flowed through him. There was very little time left. Not time to dwell on what he couldn't remember; only time to fulfill a wish he knew he'd made with himself. A chance to say goodbye. He reached up and felt for the phone, dialing in Clara's number, trusting that the TARDIS would get her the message when she needed it.

* * *

><p>2024<p>

"Becca," Clara called out, as she pulled a case behind her, opening the boot of the car and placing it inside. She was sure that if it weren't for her own urging, her daughter would happily take another ten minutes before venturing outside. Clara knew what was happening; Her daughter was no doubt trying her hardest to convince her dad to come with them. She smiled at the thought of her husband wilting to the big brown eyes. Becca completely worshipped her crazy dad, but in many ways she also had him wrapped around her finger. She would sit there in rapt attention listening to all his crazy stories and believing all of them, no matter how ridiculous they sounded, even to her mum.

"Coming Mummy," was the response behind her. Becca had no sign of fear in her eyes today. She had her dark brown hair pulled back into a pony tail and was striding purposely down the front stairs looking forward to the adventure first grade was going to bring.

Clara turned around and smiled. "Do you need any help?"

"No, Mummy," her daughter responded, feeling very independent.

"And you said goodbye to Daddy?"

"Yes," she replied. "How come Daddy can't come with us," she asked.

Clara closed the boot, and opened the door for Becca to sit in the back seat of the car. She helped her get the seat belt safely on while replying. "He has to stay home for work today. He'll be there to pick you up this afternoon,"

Becca nodded.

"You ready for today," Clara asked as she got in the driver's door and sat down.

"Yes," she replied nodding her head. Clara smiled at her as she watched in the rear view mirror. She couldn't believe that she had inherited her Dad's adventurous nature. It was obvious to Clara that she was feeling more emotional than Becca about her first day of school.

"Right then, it's off to school we go," Clara told her, as she backed the car out the driveway. Making sure there were no cars on the road, she reversed out into the lane, and changed gears, taking off for the short drive to Becca's school.

Across the road, hidden just behind some trees, the corner of a blue box was slightly visible. In front of it was a stern looking man. His formidable presence was accentuated by his long black jacket, which was waving in the breeze behind him. He stood there, his eyes fixed on the car as it drove off. He had many regrets throughout his life, and as much as he tried to make up for them, some of them couldn't be fixed and he knew he had to let it go.

This one was different, and that realization was more than a little disconcerting to him. The Doctor rarely looked in on his old companions. The wound that their departure caused inside of his heart was usually too raw to revisit. However since Clara and he had parted a few months prior, he felt the need to make amends. He felt driven to it, needing to correct it. It took five months for that feeling to over-ride his usual compulsion to move on.

When the TARDIS had arrived, he had immediately noted the date. Something wasn't making sense.

"Question – Why is it 2024?" he asked his ship. This was almost 10 years from when they'd parted. He was about to start re-setting the controls when the front doors had opened. It was a clear sign to him that he was expected to go out. "I suppose you think I'll just go out then?" he asked, looking straight into the heart of the TARDIS. He shook his head ruefully. It was just like the TARDIS to not take him to see Clara when he had finally decided to face her.

Knowing that there would be a reason she'd brought him here, he walked outside to see what was waiting for him. It was not a minute later when he saw Clara coming down the front of her house. He would be lying to himself if he hadn't felt his hearts beat a little faster upon seeing her. Then a little girl came down the stairs just after. The Doctor couldn't pick up each word that was said, but one thing was crystal clear to him. Clara was happy. It was now very clear to him why the TARDIS had brought him here now. She was looking after him again, making sure he didn't interfere. Seeing Clara so happy in her life was the easiest way for that to occur.

As the red car reversed out, and then drove off in front of him, he made sure to pull back. He'd been a constant in her life for so long, but he knew it was time to stop. It was time to move on. With a quick last glance to the house across the street, he turned around and walked back into the TARDIS.

He walked to the center console, and started setting the controls. As the center column started to rise in sync as the ship departed, he closed his eyes, remembering the joy and laughter that Clara had brought to him over the many years they were together. He hoped that she remembered her time as fondly and that her current happiness would last.

He brought up an image of Clara on the scanner, looking softly at it, his face losing its fierceness and softening as he bade her farewell. "Goodbye my Clara," he whispered. "I will remember you, always."


End file.
